The Mindset will return.

Firstly, I’d like to apologise for missing 2 blog posts and for being missing in action this last week. It’s been difficult since returning from Cornwall and, it’s safe to say, I’ve been struggling mentally and physically since our return.  My positive mindset disappeared, and it was replaced with a negative, downcast one.  Everything just kind of built up and got on top of me to the point where my anxiety levels are through the roof and I’m tearful and shouting at the kids again.  I was so looking forward to the children returning to school, for their sake as well as mine.   Unfortunately, it hasn’t been the best week.  Thomas started school (and whether he was feeding off my anxiety I’m not sure) but he had to be peeled off me kicking and screaming.  He, of course, was fine when he couldn’t see me anymore, but I was crying and feeling guilty which meant all the work I wanted to catch up on didn’t happen.  By Friday, he was fine and walked in with his sister with no problem and today (Tuesday) he ran in, so all is good in the world.  Except it’s not.  I’m back feeling like I’ve got a cloud hanging over my head, I’m struggling to concentrate, my hot flushes are back with a vengeance and so is the ‘rage’.  My husband got it in the neck when I asked him to put the oven on to heat for dinner and he whacked it up to full temperature.  I didn’t check and so I ended up burning the dinner. It was obviously all his fault, even though I know he does this and should have checked 😂.

I know it must be frustrating when I write these blogs and the answers I always give are hydrating, eating healthily, exercising, and staying calm.  However, I’m now a prime example of what not doing this means.  When I feel like this I don’t want to exercise, I want to reach for that comfort food and drink that coke, and as for having ‘me’ time it just doesn’t happen.  But by not doing these things, my symptoms have returned and so has my negative mindset.  I’m back in that vicious cycle where bad choices affect everything, and I cannot see a way out.  My resolve is strong when I first wake up, but disappears, like sand through a timer by the end of the day.  I’m making a promise to myself to take each day as it comes, each meal as it comes.  I’m going to stop punishing myself for having mishaps and just own them and move on.  I’ve got an early swim booked for Wednesday and Friday and I will get out of bed to do them.  I will look after myself and the positive mindset will return, and the hot flushes and ‘rage’ will disappear.  As Carrie Green says, ‘I can, I will watch me’.